and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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