is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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