So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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