We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
