i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
