Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
