Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
