I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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