this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
