tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
