the condom got lost in my hair
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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