i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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