Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
