She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
