so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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