all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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