So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
