in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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