hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
