it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
