It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
