someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
do herpes really smell.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
