we have officially lost it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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