you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
