I bet he comes in French.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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