HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
