"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
