you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
