i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
