what day is it and did you see me today?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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