she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
