ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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