Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
