Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
