Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
