I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
