BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
