Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
