All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
