im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
