hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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