Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
