i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
