i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
