handjob tips. give me some.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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