Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
