soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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