I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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