Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
