She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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