You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
