I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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