i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
