Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
